If You are Damned then So Am I, but Let Me Try to Bring Us Salvation
by arlottaness
Summary: "She is not my mother." The blue eyed prisoner said. "Show me another who has raised you with such love and kindness and I will call her Loki-mother." He looked her over, a quick pass of his eyes over her, dark golden head to slipper-clad feet. "Does she know I asked for your hand?" The question knocked Sigyn's breath away. A Loki Sigyn One Shot. A short story with a long title.
1. Chapter I : The Snake and the Bluebird

**A one shot that may become more. I am a huge mulit-shipper, but Logyn really gets me. The Thor 2 trailer set my feels a glow again. **

**Anyway, enjoy my flowery writing.**

**Loki belongs to Marvel and Sigyn belongs to Norway. (I think)**

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The air in Queen Frigga's dressing room was one of strange anticipation. Her attendants were plaiting her hair, piling it upon her head, golden braid after shiny golden braid. When they had finished, the queen motioned to dismiss everyone from the room, everyone except one unassuming lady-in-waiting. "Lady Sigyn, you will accompany me to the prison."

"Yes, milady." Sigyn stood as the queen approached, sensing her majesty's sullen mood.

"I won't be taking anyone else, nor will I be allowing my guards to accompany me." Frigga studied Sigyn's face, "But I wish to have company, nonetheless."

Sigyn gently smiled and nodded, following the queen through the servant's exit and into the hallway behind the queen's chamber, a hallway that led into the maze of pathways used by guards and servants. Lady Sigyn watched the older woman as they walked in silence through the many corridors into the more modestpart of the palace, the only sound the click of the queen's heels on the stone floor. Frigga's eyes gave away her emotions so plainly that Sigyn often wondered how she could be so subtle when she was ruling.

Unlike the other ladies-in-waiting Sigyn enjoyed an unusual closeness with the queen. Frigga was her aunt; half-sister to Sigyn's mother. The court viewed Sigyn as an illegitimate princess; being a product of her mother's naiveté, vanity, and greed. It was by Frigga's beneficence that Sigyn was given a title and, when she came of age, allowed to live in the palace and wait on the queen. In time Frigga had come to depend on her. Sigyn had a gift for empathy and had been a comforting balm to Frigga in the recent times, becoming very close to the royal family.

The two women stood outside the large steel doors that led to the prison chamber. Four guards flanked the walls on either side of the door.

"Leave us," the queen said softly but firmly. The guards turned away reluctantly, they had orders from their king, but a blazing look from their queen had them swiftly away. Frigga dropped her royal bearing when they were alone. She made no move toward the door and seemed to be holding her breath. Whether to hold back tears or curses, Sigyn could not tell.

It had been hard on the queen, to support her husband and care for their one remaining son while having to mourn in secret the loss of another. Frigga was a strong and wise woman, she knew that she had to appear unscathed by the political upheaval in Asgard that her adopted son had caused.

"Are you scared?" Frigga asked, not turning to face the young woman at her side.

"M'lady?" Sigyn whispered, confused.

"My…Loki is behind those doors. You know what he has done, what he is, what my son is…" Frigga's eyes stayed glued to the gilt doors.

"No. Im not scared. Not for my wellbeing… but I _am_ afraid."

"Of what, dear Sigyn?" Frigga asked her voice thick with emotion.

"Of… of pain. The pain I know my lady will feel at the sight of my fallen cousin, and the pain I doubt not will be hidden in _his_ eyes when he looks upon the mother he loves… and has hurt."

The queen looked at Sigyn, eyes filled with trepidation. Frigga was an intuitive woman; she could tell Sigyn wasn't telling her everything. "And what else? There is more you do not say," she questioned.

"My lady…" Sigyn paused, looking back to the doors, "I grew up with your son; he was my playmate, my quiet cousin…" _My first kiss_, she thought. "And though I haven't seen him since we were children, but once before his fall…" she abandoned her sentence. "I don't feel fear, no, only… sorrow."

The queen recovered herself, and stepping forward, entered the prison. The hall was large and oblong, and had been carved from stone long ago. Emblems of the ancient ones and Vanir symbolism wrapped around the pillars on either side of the door and were inset alongside the glass cells. The cells themselves were obviously new Aeser; gleaming white and bare. The glass-like walls, strongly wrought with magic, faced them, but the prisoner on the floor inside did not.

Sigyn stood back near the pillars while the queen strode up to the glass. She spoke quietly, too low for Sigyn to hear, but the girl could tell there was forgiveness, love, and desertion wrapped up in her tone. She heard only one reply from the man behind the glass, one reply that sent the queen quickly from the room, covering her mouth with her hand and motioning to Sigyn to let her be.

Sigyn didn't move. Though he hadn't seen her, she knew he knew she was there.

Her eyes blurred with unshed tears as she spoke. "In this you have been cruel cousin." She expected no reply and, when moments passed, she turned to leave.

"I have been as kind as I wish and not unjustly cruel."

Sigyn approached the glass. The gaunt figure that came into focus before her was less of a shell than when he returned from Midgard, but still far from being the beautiful cousin she remembered from before Thor's coronation.

"She came to see you. To see her son whom she loves-" She started thickly, but stopped when, with a sharp turn of his head, their eyes met.

"She is not my mother." The blue eyed prisoner said, words slipping towards Sigyn with searing intent.

"Show me another who has raised you with such love and kindness, and I will call _her_ Loki-mother."

He looked her over, a quick pass of his eyes over her; dark golden head to slipper-clad feet.

"Does she know I asked for your hand?"

The question threw her for a moment. She studied him. His hair was long and tangled, but clean, he wore a tattered green tunic and moth-eaten britches and his feet were bare. But Sigyn was only interested in his face. He was good at lying, at hiding his true purpose and emotions, but he had already given himself away with that question.

"I saw no reason to tell anyone. I had thought your mind changed. You seemed focused on other matters," she said, searching his eyes.

He laughed with no joviality. "Yes, and I'm sure you are just dying with curiosity about my time destroying innocents on Midgard and attempting to assassinate dear Thor."

Sigyn wondered why they had to hint at hidden meanings in every sentence instead of talking with their true intent plain upon their tongues. "If you think I believe the gossip of court women and bigoted guards then you do not know me, Loki Odinson."

"If you truly believe that I am _Odin_son then _you_ do not know _me_ Sigyn Freyadottir." Loki was impassive, merely watching her, or so he seemed.

"I will believe whatever you wish me to believe, deluded-one." Sigyn sighed.

"You forget yourself, girl." Loki snapped, blue eyes blazing. Sigyn wanted to retort, to tell him how he could claim no sovereignty over her now that he was a prisoner, but she held her tongue. She sat down on the topmost step, against the wall opposite Loki.

"Are you eating, my Lord? Sleeping?" Sigyn asked. She forgot her anger at his reproach upon noticing he did not seem to have the strength to move.

He did not answer, but rolled his eyes and looked away. _No then_, she thought.

Time passed quickly and it grew dimmer in the prison hall. Sigyn didn't know what else to say. Thor had given her an account of what had come to pass in Jotunheim and Midgard, but she wondered what had happened to Loki when no one was there to witness it.

"Why are you still here?"

Sigyn jumped and looked up. He was studying her again.

"I don't want to leave." She said honestly.

He narrowed his eyes. "You are the first to visit me besides my former family."

She didn't answer at first; she didn't know how he expected her to respond. "I missed you. I know we only saw a little of each other before… you left."

He smiled a shadow of a smile. "Yes, I remember. You came to the palace only months before then; such unfortunate timing."

Sigyn was surprised when the remark, which he'd started sarcastically, ended in a genuine tone. She watched as the firelight danced in the reflection on the glass, blurring her view of Loki.

"I never gave you my answer that night." she smiled.

"It doesn't matter now, does it Sigyn?" Loki drawled unconvincingly dispassionate.

Sigyn stood up and walked over to where he sat, feet away from the glass. "Does it not? I told you then that I could not marry you because I was betrothed to one of your father's Crimson Hawks, and you said that was not an answer. Remember?" she spoke quietly, remembering the last fantastical night of her life, every one since spent in agony of one making or the other.

"Vividly, Fair one," Loki said, inching towards the glass. "You said you were too young for marriage, and if it was your choice you would marry no man, but since I was but a boy, you wouldn't mind being my bride."

Sigyn blushed and looked up, and was surprised to see Loki sat inches behind the glass. "I am not betrothed to him any longer. I was foolish then, and refused his courtship, because… well, I didn't expect you to disappear."

Loki had grimaced and looked away. "I did not expect it either."

"Where were you? Where did Yggdrasil toss you when you fell?"

A pained look came over Loki's face and he looked into her eyes. "I don't know."

Sigyn almost shivered, this was truly frightening, if Loki didn't know where he was, with his being one of the top most scholars of Asgard, then that place was not one Sigyn wanted to imagine.

"Tell me." Sigyn coaxed. "Let _me_ be the judge Loki, and decide your innocence in my eyes." She said it so softly, that if anyone else had been in the room they would not have heard her unless they were sat where he was.

He glanced up at her, at the firelight flickering behind her, forming an orange halo around her head in the dimness. "I was found by the Chitauri, and I convinced them to give me an army to conquer earth. It would have been glorious Sigyn, and I could have made you a queen."

His short but reluctant speech made Sigyn suspicious of the Chitauri's behavior, they were not a race common anywhere; nomads wreaking havoc wherever they appeared. They would not have formed an alliance willingly unless they had their own motivation. "Do you think I was lying when I said I would believe anything you wished me to believe of you?" she said pleadingly. "You can tell me the truth now Lie-smith, it will not harm you with me."

Loki frowned, looking back at her, thoughtfully. "I know not what they would have done to me if I did not open the portal to Midgard; if Thor hadn't been there to bring me back. I am not ashamed that I did as they wished. I wanted it too, I could've been earth's ruler." He clenched his fists and Sigyn sighed.

"Then that is my truth. You should tell Thor, he would understand, he is yearning –" Sigyn started, but was cut off when Loki stood, glaring down at her.

"Thor can believe what he wants, I detest his pity, let them believe I am as mad as they say. That is how I want it." Loki spat. "Haven't you heard them talk? I am insane Sigyn, a despicable creature, loathed and overcome with madness!"

Sigyn stood as well, climbing to the top step to be taller. "Your madness isn't madness at all, its _blindness_, blindness to the love so freely given to you by your _family_."

"My family is of Jotunheim sweet _child_, of the ice and the cold. I am not Aeser!" Loki's voice rose in pitch.

Shocked by this admonition but not surprised (there had been rumors) Sigyn nearly shook with frustration. "You think _what_ you are changes _who_ you are and how I feel about you? Are you that stupid that you don't see how Thor would care about you no matter if you were a Giant, a dwarf or human! Your still Loki, damned you may be and as duplicitous as a snake but we love you!"

"We?" Loki's voice frosted over.

Sigyn took a deep breath. "Yes." And she was surprised to discover that she meant it, truly.

Loki's head made a thud as it fell forward to rest against the glass. "Oh Sigyn, how do my words flow freely in your presence? It's as if…" he was tearing up now.

Sigyn lifted a hand to the glass and pressed it where his cheek would be if the glass weren't there.

Why did he cloud his own mind with such self-hate and delusions of grandeur? It seemed so contradictory. He longed to be a ruler, he was born to be a king, but it was obvious that he never felt worthy. He felt like the monster he was rumored to be.

"You are in pain Loki. I understand." Sigyn started.

"No I don't think-." Loki interrupted.

"Let me finish! I know what it is to be scorned for things that aren't true, to be mocked and abused for things I didn't do or even contemplate. I know what it's like to feel your parents do not value you, and while I can't say that I am power hungry or feel betrayed by my race, I have a good idea just from watching you."

This was another reason that she was disliked by the court, whispered about behind her back for being an opportunist or for seeking to ingratiate herself in order to marry Thor. It was seldom that the court gossip got anything right and Sigyn wasn't going to be the first.

"I am broken, Sigyn." It wasn't even a whisper, it was a breath.

"Marry me." She said, pressing her forehead to the glass also.

"I…" he lifted his head and paused. He smirked. "_You_ are asking _me_ now? Well, who is getting dirty ideas little princess? Marry a prisoner? Shameful."

Sigyn smiled and shook her head. "And impossible by law. Yet I would. Don't ask me why, but I would."

"It seems we drag something out of each other neither of us is prepared for." Loki hummed intensely.

They were nearly nose to nose now against the glass, hovering. Steps echoed down the corridor outside and Sigyn's eyes widened. How long had she spent here, talking to the forbidden prince.

"I should go, I wasn't supposed to stay at all." Sigyn stepped back down the steps.

"Next thing you know you will be here in this cell with me darling." Loki grinned and sat down.

Sigyn blushed at those words, just imagining, as she reached the pillars.

"Farewell, Loki." She whispered heavily, hoping to avoid outside detection.

"My love." Loki bowed his upper body with a gesture he made graceful despite his seated-ness.

Sigyn smiled the first big silly smile she had in a long time and slipped out of the room. If she had turned she would have seen a similar expression on the prince's face.

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**If you like this, please review,**

** I have ideas for more little dreamy-snippets of Post Avengers Logyn,**

** so I may add to this! Well, thanks for reading! =)**

**Beautiful story picture belongs to lovelybonez  
**

**watch her on deviant art, she rocks.**


	2. Chapter II: What Mother Moon Saw

**I have never really liked Sif, and it is only after pondering her situation in life that I now admire her as a character. **

**I think these two would be friends. Two strong women, strong in different ways... it makes sense**

**that they would band together in that boys-club that is Asgard.**

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Sigyn lay in the lush grass and breathed in the sensation of the blades slipping between her opened fingers and tickling her palms. The sound of the water crashing against the rocks was soft but persistent, the spray adding a tang to the cool evening air. She was lying side by side with the Lady Sif, staring up at the Asgardian sky. They had been away from the palace the entire day, riding. Sigyn enjoyed it, but not nearly as much as Sif, whose request it had been.

It had been one day since Sigyn's visit to the cells, and the peace and freedom of riding had allowed her to think. She felt she could breathe now. As the two young women looked up at the stars Sigyn felt as if her heart wanted to beat out of her chest and float into the cosmos. She needed it to stretch and grow to an enormous size, only then would it be content.

Sif sat up and shook her hair out of her pony tail, raking her fingers over her scalp. She looked down at Sigyn who remained staring dreamily into space.

"I very much need to get away from the palace today. Thank you for accompanying a friend in need." Sif said rubbing her sore neck. Sigyn smiled in response.

"You know Domhildr was married today." Sif said as she rolled her eyes.

"Really… yes, I had heard something about it, but I doubt we were missed, lady." Sigyn sighed. She was less inclined to sneer at court customs and goings on than Sif was, but the marriage of one so close to their age made both girls uncomfortable.

"Silly woman, allowing herself to be married off to that sorry excuse for a Crimson Hawk. That man can't swing a sword to cut twine."

"She didn't have a choice." Sigyn sighed, touching upon the very fact that made both ladies cringe.

Sif had always been different, and she and Sigyn had not always been friends, but age changes temperament and upon Sigyn's return on her eighteenth name day they became fast friends. Sif believed that woman should be just as fierce as man, if not fiercer, and marriage should be the woman's choice. Sigyn, up until a few months ago, had simply accepted the inevitability of marriage to a stranger as one of life's many hurdles.

"Sif," Sigyn asked, another fearful thought crossing her mind. "Do you think Loki is evil?" This was by no means the only thought brought to the surface of Sigyn's roiling mind.

Sif turned with surprise towards her younger friend. "What in Odin's name prompts that question?"

Sigyn shrugged and began picking grass nervously, suddenly feeling shyer under her friend's astonished tone.

"Well, of course He is! He encompasses every one of the most vile personality traits. I've heard Thor talk about it, but he is always too sympathetic to that worm." Sif growled.

"Yes. He still loves him."

"He's a fool…" Sif's frown softened, "But a good fool."

"Mmhhm." Sigyn sighed, saddened by her friends words concerning the darker prince.

"Better to love too long than to hate at all." Sif recited, grinning, oblivious to Sigyn's sighs of heartache.

"Where did you hear that?" Sigyn laughed despite herself.

"Heimdal. Where else?" Sif snorted good-naturedly.

"Ah."

"Sigyn?" Sif drew out the blonde's name, turning to inspect her.

"Yes?" Sigyn avoided eye contact.

"Why are you asking about him now? He hasn't been seen since he returned from earth."

"I went to see him with the queen." Sigyn sat up.

"What? Why?" Sif raised her brows. "What could you possibly need to see him about?"

Sigyn smiled sadly. "The queen wished to see him. She loves him as Thor does… more than Thor, Loki is her son… and he is alive but… it's like he wants to be dead to her."

"Well I wish he had died when he fell off the Bifrost." The shield maiden spat.

"SIF!" Sigyn gasped, head whipping round to stare at her friend.

"What?" Sif raised her chin.

Hurt colored Sigyn's voice. "…I can't believe you."

"Why? He has hurt Thor, he has betrayed Odin… my lady Frigga is heartbroken over that… that… oh he is vile! A murderer, a liar, scum! I can't express my hatred for him." Sif had stood, and began fiddling with the silver armor around her wrists. Only silence came from the girl who now sat behind her.

"Do you love Thor, Sif?" Sigyn asked. "And does it hurt?" At first Sif started, then slowly turned to question the origin of the strange remark, but she stilled quickly. "Sif?" Sigyn pressed gently.

"You shouldn't… _can't_ speak of it with anyone." Sif sighed, fists clenching at her sides.

"Of course not."

"Yes I love him. And… yes, it hurts." She said in a hushed tone, soft and with mixed feeling.

"How do you know you are in love with him?" Sigyn asked, unashamedly letting her lack of knowledge on the subject show plainly.

Sif seemed to be about to answer when she caught Sigyn's eagerness for answers. "Why do you want to know?"

"There is no reason." Sigyn turned abruptly to study the grass at her feet.

Frowning and suspicious Sif answered slowly, "Well, everywhere I go, I hope to see him… I think about him, even in my dreams. I want nothing to harm him, I want to protect him, I'd do anything too, and not only because he is my future king." She paused. "And see him happy. I want most to see him happy… I want to wrap him in my arms forever. I want that to be where he is most happy."

Sigyn marveled at the gentleness with which she expressed her mind. So unlike her, yet so completely Sif. "You must hate Jane then."

"…No." Sif said thoughtfully.

Sigyn cocked her head to the side. "No?"

"Thor …likes her. I shouldn't hold that against her."

Though the words sounded honest, Sigyn could hear the hesitation. "Do you think Loki loves?"

Sif lifted an eyebrow and crossed her arms, her suspicion growing. "Whom?"

"Anyone, I suppose." Sigyn shrugged with forced dispassion.

"No. He's too hateful. Like I said, evil. It's in his nature, he's Jotun." Sif waved at the question as if it was a pesky insect.

The blonde hesitated, the volatility of Sif's manner unnerved her. "But... would you have not felt the same," She started softly, "if _you_ had discovered such a thing about yourself? If your parents had lied to you? If everyone you loved seemed to turn against you, would you not feel the same?"

"He has _killed_ thousands, Sigyn, directly or indirectly. Even his birth father! He has attempted to murder Thor! Can you _pardon_ that?" Sif said in a strangely pleading tone.

Sigyn didn't have to think long for her answer. Nevertheless she spoke reluctantly. "Well... no."

"Exactly, he cannot be redeemed from that." The warrior sighed. "Why do you speak of him so?"

Sigyn snapped her head up. "Is it in my nature to be greedy?" she demanded, eyes wide.

Sif was taken aback. "Huh?"

The other girl got to her feet. "I am half dwarf. A half- blood. I only look Aeser because of my mother, but Iwaldi is the one who raised me!"

"Sigyn, you are the least greedy person I know, you-" Sif was cutoff.

"But it's in my nature!" Now standing firmly, Sigyn's hands were in fists be her sides.

For a moment Sif looked at her friend with a kind of pity, then, guessing the motive behind Sigyn's speech, cried, "No- Oh! Do _not_ compare yourself to him!"

Sigyn was pacing a few feet from Sif, but she whirled towards her at those words, tears of frustration now pricked the younger girl's eyes. "Why not? We are the same!" she almost yelled.

"You are night and day Sigyn! He is blackness and you are like the sun!" Sif now regretted her careless words about Loki's race. She should have known this was how Sigyn would think.

"Then why do I feel like I would allow any horror to occur just so I could see a smile on his face!?" Fear was apparent on Sigyn's face and she moved her hands forwards, her palms up.

Sif walked forward slowly, thoughtfully taking her friends hands in her own. "What do you mean?"

"It scares me Sif! I feel like I could pardon any crime, look past anything for him. Is it my nature?"

Sif searched her face. "You're scaring me Sigyn; don't speak any more about this."

"I am in love with him Sif!" This admission made Sigyn smile slightly despite the tears that threatened to spill.

Sif gripped the blonde girl's shoulders forcefully. "NO! Sigyn, take those words back into your mouth and put those thoughts out of your head! He is doomed! Whether by Odin's hand or his own, you cannot save him."

"I would do anything!" Sigyn now simply admitted her true belief.

"The difference between you and he is that, were it not for the bigots of the court, you would be made a princess on merit alone, because you are good and pure and sweet! He is a prince, by birth and adoption and has lost that because of his jealousy, deceit and hatred!"

"You misunderstand him!" Sigyn gasped in the brunettes grip.

"You will get your heart ripped open and destroyed." Sif pleaded.

"He makes me wish to take that chance." Sigyn stood taller upon speaking that painful truth.

"Then you love him. And you are a fool." Sif released her.

After a few minutes silence Sigyn ventured to smile. "The good kind?"

"Always good Sigyn, you could never be anything else." Sif sighed resignedly.

And the two girls embraced as they turned to embark on their return journey in silence.

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